Looking Back a Year Later
I've been trying to get out an update for four months but could never find the right combination of time and inspiration for what to say. I keep waiting for a significant milestone, but it's been pretty continuous progress without any big news regarding Cyrus' health. We're thankful for that!
I'm finally doing the update today because it's a significant day for us. One year ago today, we found out that Laura's water had broken early and that our twins were nearly certain to die. Despite that dire news, God enabled us to welcome both of our little boys into the world and let us keep one of them.
Cyrus is doing great, acting just like a normal, but younger baby. He's on a more rigorous feeding schedule than a normal baby would have, and he has way more medical appointments than either of our other kids had. He's being monitored for many different things, and while he isn't entirely "on track" in every category, overall, he's doing incredibly well given all he's been through. Compared to all that, this year's concerns seem more similar to the worry that every parent feels for every baby.
Getting to this point is a huge blessing that we still don't take for granted. A part of me is always worried that God can call any of my kids back at any time, but that same feeling of worry also keeps me grateful that I still have three of them. We're so thankful that we had a chance to know and love Arthur for over a month and that he seemed to enjoy his short time with us. Cyrus wouldn't get to Arthur's level of activity for several more months, and it's really cool to think back on what a gift it was to get that feedback from Arthur. I wish we still had him with us, but I wouldn't trade that time with him for anything else.
Much of the pain of losing Arthur is being worked into the fabric of who we are now. Both Laura and I recently commented that our ability to feel deep joy is far greater than it's ever been. We're still struggling with various emotional, mental, and physical effects from last year, but little blessings in everyday life carry us through. I honestly think I'm happier than I've ever been in my life!
The pain of missing Oakley and Edee for six months has largely been replaced by new memories with them as we've been trying to make up for lost time. It's such a joy seeing both girls doting on Cyrus and watching him eat up their attention. He's smiling, laughing, and trying to talk now, so there's a lot of fun feedback for the girls to enjoy.
A recent highlight with the whole family was taking our first vacation in two years. Once we established that Cyrus was finally strong enough to travel, we all went to Disneyland with help from some of the gifts from friends and family. Having that time to just focus on enjoying time together was exactly what we needed.
Even Cyrus loved looking around at all the lights and sounds, and by the end of the trip, it truly felt like we'd re-established ourselves as a family unit.
Looking back on this past year, we're so thankful for all the ways you showed us love and let us know that we weren't alone in our pain. Our faith in God continues, and while it still has its ups and downs, like always, I think it's gotten deeper. We have a much easier time focusing on what really matters in life: loving other people and thereby loving God Himself.
All the politics, money, and health concerns that used to derail me don't seem as important now. This perspective shift is a more enormous blessing than I could ever have imagined!
When I take stock of our lives, I can see that we're still struggling, but somehow, it feels like we've finally "arrived" as a family and that we're starting to really live in ways we never did before.
I'm planning to have this update be the last chapter of this saga in our lives, but in closing, thank you all so much for the part you played in our story. We're never going to be the same again, and I can finally see how that's going to be a good thing.
