Psalm 23
Arthur is still hanging on this morning. However the hospital has told us that there is nothing that be medically done to bring him back, and that we can remove the ventilator when we’re ready. We’re not ready, and we were able to have a really sweet time of bonding and goodbyes last night.
For the first time they let Laura hold both twins. After three hours I got to hold them both too. Many friends and family assembled in the waiting area and were able to come in a couple at a time to see and pray over us while this was going on.
At about 10pm, our girls arrived and we were able to spend time with all four of our kids. When we finally put the twins back in their beds so we could eat something, Arthur opened his eyes and was visibly tracking Laura’s face as she talked and sang to him. A very sweet evening that was honestly perfect given the circumstances.
It’s also heartbreaking that Arthur is trying so hard to hang on but it’s medically too late. We’re hoping for some miracle but our hope isn’t in some miracle, if that makes sense. Our goal is to make Arthur feel loved, either to somehow aid in bringing him back, or to help him die well.
I was consciously aware as I held him last night that this could be a direct handoff between his earthly father and his Heavenly Father. I’m weeping as I type this, but I know this is what’s best for Arthur. I also know we’ll get to see him again, as we told our girls, with Jesus and their sister Gaby who was stillborn in early 2020. Gaby continues to be in our family conversations with the girls whenever we talk about heaven.
I think all of us will have less fear of death as a result of this, but right now I’m really feeling the loss of my chance to raise Arthur as his earthly father.
The Lord Is My Shepherd
A Psalm of David.
23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
3 He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell[f] in the house of the Lord
forever.
